An old friend of mine asked me once, is your marriage Kanchipuram? or Madurai? For those who are not familiar with the tamil brahminical satire. Let me educate you on the question. He was asking me if I was dominating in my relationship with my spouse (Madurai Meenakshi) or that my spouse was dominating me (Kanchipuram Ekambareshwarar). It kindled the story teller in me to tell you the stories of the exemplary dampathyams as I know it.
Legend has it that Parvati was doing a penance under a mango tree to unify with lord Shiva. In order to test her endurance and passion to obtain the Lord( the two most important qualities needed for success in any relationship) fire was sent. Parvati built the Shiva linga with earth which could not be touched by fire. Subsequently Ganga was sent in the form of Vedavati to engulf the linga. Parvati hugged the Shiva linga so tightly that melted his heart and he appeared in cosmic body and accepted her as his. Now there are interesting lessons hidden in these events. A woman who chooses to give the primary importance to her spouse in this relationship should bear the fire of anger with patience like that of earth. When there is a threat to the relationship itself she chooses living with the spouse above everything else. Marriage is easiest tools we have to get rid of ego and when a woman chooses to do that she stands to gain in the long term survival and trust of her spouse.
That would be easy right?? If all women are as docile as Parvati?? What about strong willed women?? Aren’t they capable of a divine relationship?? History answers that with a beautiful story of Meenakshi. She was the born as princess in the Pandiya dynasty in the well known place Madurai in the south of India. Born out of fire with three bosoms. She was a prodigy in literature and scriptures. Learnt armed combat and warfare with dexterity. She was really attached to her father and when her father died she set out on a mission to destroy the world. But when lord shiva appeared before her she submitted her ego and her weapons and set out to marry him. Even today when we visit Madurai we can see the Devi with all her dynamism and independence. But when we see her during the marriage festival you will find her to be the coyest bride.
There is a system in searching for a prospective groom or bride in India which is mostly done by parents. Every mother of the groom goes looking for brides with docility and submission. Forgetting that key to a divine relationship is a compassionate man who melts for woman’s steadfast humility and a strong woman who submits her ego for a good compassionate man. Corollary to this if a man is indifferent or takes advantage of a woman’s love. Or a woman who refuses to submit her will for the compassionate husband has caused what we know as marital chaos today.
Curious to know what my answer was to my friend’s question…??? Well thats another story in another post.
Kaalakshepam... 